


Shadows of Themselves

by queien



Series: Reparation [3]
Category: Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:37:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7237519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queien/pseuds/queien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brand asks Martin if he ever considered seeking a shadow of himself after his "death."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadows of Themselves

“Did you ever consider going out and replacing me with a shadow?” 

I looked up at Brand, surprised at the question that had interrupted our otherwise quiet breakfast that he had ordered up to Caine's room just before I had trumped to join him.

He stared at me expectantly. When my stunned silence continued, he prompted me with a “well?”

I blinked and then shook my head, part as an answer and part to try to snap myself out of my shock. “After I'd recovered somewhat, I did seek a shadow of you,” I admitted, my words slow and hesitant. “But seeing you alive when I thought you dead was jarring, and part of me was screaming at me that it wasn't right because it wasn't really you. I couldn't bring myself to approach him, and instead just left.”

Brand nodded. “I see,” he said. “And you never tried again?”

I shook my head. “What about you?” I asked. 

Brand lowered the cup of coffee he had been sipping from and set it on the table to his right before staring thoughtfully into the distance. After a while, his gaze returned to me, a slight smile settling into his features. “Although I doubt you believe me, I didn't,” he said. “You're more than welcome to think what you will, but I didn't seek a shadow of you. Having you nearby, no matter how rarely, was enough. I didn't need anything fake to replace you with.” His eyes lingered on me, and I could feel that he expected a reaction from me, maybe an accusation or a word that swore my belief in his story. 

I gave him neither.

“It doesn't matter, I don't think,” I said. “Part of me hopes that you haven't, but there's another part of me that would be relieved if you had. It means that you did want me and miss me and would even settle for a me that wasn't really me if it meant just a little more time together.”

His smile widened, and he took his coffee back into his hands. “I, too, wouldn't have cared either way with your answer,” he said, “and for the exact same reasons.”


End file.
